March Mixed Bag: Permission Granted

I get messages constantly from folks asking me to give my blessing as they contemplate letting go of something: their mother’s journals, their grandmother’s china, the painting they’ve never liked that hangs in their entryway. I say to all of them: Permission Granted!

Actually what I say is “the fact that you’re asking me for permission leads me to believe that your subconscious has made the decision already but your conscience is having trouble following through.” There are lots of things we feel we need permission to do. I’m sharing some timely examples from my own life in hopes that you can build up some ‘permission’ muscle in yours!

Permission to Declutter

You are no longer a child, in fact you haven’t been one for some time. All of the things you’ve accumulated over the years are yours. This may seem obvious, but you don’t actually need me (or anyone else) to say ‘Permission granted!’ if you want to let something go. Listen to your subconscious (in my Clearing Emotional Clutter Course I call it your ‘’knowing’) – it generally knows the right thing to do. Your conscious feelings of doubt may seem louder because they live at the surface. But that doesn’t mean they know best. In fact, you can say to the doubt: ‘I feel you, but I know better and am going to act differently.’

Does this involve talking to yourself? Yes. Is it a helpful exercise? Also YES. Does it make the next decision easier? Absolutely, YES. This is how you work up to giving yourself permission to declutter the thing, instead of asking me! (P.S. I’m fine to help you build this muscle, so keep the questions coming!)

Permission to Make The Trip Annual

March is here, which means Spring Training has begun! I’ve been a big baseball fan since I was a kid. I also live in a region where it makes a lot of sense to escape the rain in the month of March. Jay and I attended our first Cactus League games way back in 2011. Our oldest was 11 and our youngest was 6. It was a heavy lift to get time off from our jobs, arrange for someone to watch the kids, board the dog and actually make it down to Scottsdale for a weekend of baseball. 

I found myself getting permission from everyone. From my parents (to watch our kids),from work (March was a BUSY month in retail!) and even from our kids (because we were missing their weekend games? This, in retrospect, seems ridiculous.) It was always worth it because we had such a great time but man. It was like moving a mountain so we only managed it every few years.

Fast forward to midlife – and the lift isn’t nearly as heavy. With the kids away it’s much more manageable to go away for the weekend. And yet for a few years it still felt like I needed permission from someone to make this an annual trip. I think it was because I was so used to having to ask permission. But guess what? I can now say (to myself) ‘Permission granted!’ – and we have gone to Scottsdale every March for the past 4 years. It took a while to extract myself from the old ‘heavy-lifting’ mindset because it was deeply ingrained in my conscience. But I eventually did it and am so happy! See, this Giving Yourself Permission thing works for other things besides decluttering!

Permission to Repurpose

Here’s another example where it can be hard to say ‘Permission granted’. Our nest is technically empty in the sense that our kids aren’t living here for most of the year. Our son is fully out on his own, but our daughters are still in college and are usually home in the summer. This past summer I officially converted my son’s room to a second guest room. I decluttered the whole thing and now it bears little trace of his past occupancy.

My girls’ rooms, however, are still theirs – mostly! I have recently given myself permission to use them as potential spaces for housesitters. This idea was brought on when I discovered Trusted Housesitters, the pet-sitting website that is a cross between Home Exchange and Rover. It’s a membership model where you list your home & trip dates. People apply to sit for your pets in exchange for staying in your home. I have been using it for the past year and LOVE it!

In order to optimize the appeal of our home I needed to navigate the delicate dynamics of my girls being home only part-time but still wanting them to feel like their rooms were theirs.In the end I told them both I was going to make some small changes in their rooms that would make them more comfortable for guests but was committed to protecting the rooms’ identity as theirs. In other words I didn’t ask their permission but communicated my intentions clearly. I got a decent response back (the youngest didn’t want me organizing any of her stuff but did agree to go through it together when she comes home in May.)

The moral of the story is that you don’t need anyone else’s permission to change the way you use the space in your home. However, clear and up front communication with some empathy thrown in goes a long way to smoothing the path forward. As I write this I recognize that is the same advice I often give folks about decluttering…what comes around, goes around I guess!

Permission to Reset Your Stress

I’ve posted about Stress Resets by Jennifer Taitz on my socials before. I also included it as an additional resource in Clearing Emotional Clutter. I love it because it’s got easy, practical ways to coach yourself through hard moments and build mental muscle that will enable you to do any Hard Thing you wish. It keeps selling out on Amazon so grab your copy quick! I listened on Audible AND got myself a hard copy. This is the kind of book I will come back and reference again and again.

I’m telling you ‘Permission granted’ to feel stress, we all do! How you handle the stress is the difference-maker in whether it controls your life or helps you to grow.

Thanks for tuning in to this week’s blog – Happy March everybody!!