Can’t Let Go? These Decluttering Rituals Make It Easier

Sometimes you are going along, decluttering away and feeling the freedom and empowerment that comes with shedding all of the deadwood in your home, when BOOM. You come to that one item that stops you in your tracks.  You know it needs to go but you just can’t part with it. It meant a lot at one time in your life. Or it is associated with someone that you love. Or it brings up painful feelings that you don’t want to deal with. So now what? Leverage rituals to reclaim momentum!

Rituals are a proven method to help you move through your discomfort. You can actually lean into it and still come out on the other side with the fortitude to do what you know needs to be done. The strategy involves using the power of ritual, and if that sounds woo-woo to you – stay with me!

A ritual is merely assigning deeper meaning to a set of actions. It works like magic to help you with the hard work of letting go. I have 3 different examples of how you can use rituals to help yourself move forward when something has stopped you in your tracks. Rituals of appreciation, connection and season are all effective for unique scenarios you may encounter on your decluttering journey.

The Appreciation Ritual

I have current clients who are doing a midlife declutter. One kid is out in the working world and the other is finishing up in college. They are preparing for a big remodel of the home they raised their family in. One spot where there was a lot to do was the garage; the palace where many things they no longer use went to languish. We were making really good progress when we came to a huge chair. The chair was piled with boxes and clearly had not been used in years. When I asked about it, thinking it was an easy ‘donate’ my client said: ‘We can’t get rid of that. We sat in that chair every day whe our girls were babies. It has so much meaning.’

I validated their feelings because I totally get it. It feels like a kind of betrayal to callously get rid of something that brought you so much joy at one time. That said, no one was using the chair and was taking up a significant amount of space in the garage we were trying to clean out. So I suggested my clients hold an Appreciation Ritual for the chair. It’s taking the concept of thanking an item for its service to the next level. In this case, plan a special dinner and share memories of the chair’s role in the early years of your growing family. Have some laughs, maybe a few tears and definitely a toast. Send the chair off in style!

When you take the time to mark your appreciation for an item that has meant something to you, you honor the item and your feelings about it at the same time. You will be surprised at how easy it is to say goodbye to the item after you have performed this ritual!

The Connection Ritual

Another way to use ritual is when you are decluttering something that was a gift or formerly belonged to someone you love. You’ve kept the thing around because getting rid of it felt like a betrayal of  that person. Plus, you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Here’s an example from my own life. My mother-in-law likes to put thought and effort in when she gives gifts. Usually she hits the mark, but not always.

One year she gifted me a Chrissy Teigen Cookbook. She knows I love to cook and Chrissy Teigen was just beginning to build her cooking empire so I’m sure she felt it was ‘of the moment.’ The issue for me was that this particular cookbook was all about comfort food (read: lots of fried, fatty, carb-heavy recipes.)  I didn’t really use it but felt bad donating it because it felt like a betrayal of my Mother-in-Law who I love. But as we know the decluttering urge in me is strong. So here’s what I did. I put the book in the donation box I keep in my garage (steal that strategy here) and that day I called my mother-in-law for a catch up. Instead of feeling guilty I honored my relationship with this person by connecting with her.

Did I share that I decluttered the book she gave me? Full disclosure, I didn’t. She lives 3K miles away and doesn’t visit often, in fact she might not have even remembered that she gave me the cookbook in the first place. This guilt issue was my thing, not hers. The point of the Connection Ritual is not baring your guilty conscience to the person you love, it’s demonstrating to yourself that there are other ways to honor your relationship with someone than keeping something around that you don’t want, need or like.

The Seasonal Ritual

Last but not least, the Seasonal Ritual is adding meaning and pleasure to something that would otherwise be tedious or emotionally overwhelming. Think of decorating for the holidays. It’s a lot of work to dig all of that stuff out and then put it up. If you take away the meaning it’s just a big chore, right? So flip it inside out!Turn something that isn’t much fun or makes you feel bad and add meaning to it!

My favorite example of this is the Seasonal Closet Swap. It’s the process of moving things in and out (or just moving them around) of your closet to best support what you will wear for the current season. While you are in there moving things around, you take the opportunity to do a little decluttering. What haven’t you worn in awhile? Anything that doesn’t fit? What has a stain that won’t come out?  Decluttering your closet can be emotionally intimidating and feel like a huge chore. But, if you practice the closet swap as a seasonal ritual and add fun elements like music, beverages and perhaps a reward (like buying something new!) then it transforms into something you look forward to!

You can apply this strategy to a lot of things (Tax Prep? Garage Refresh? Trip Planning?) It’s all about using the power of ritual to create habits and injecting them with elements of fun!

Rituals Can Be Small, Too

All 3 of these examples showcased bigger versions of the use of rituals. But you don’t have to make it a big thing to use the concept. Lighting a candle and having a moment of appreciation for the item you are decluttering. Sending a quick text to the person who have you a gift your getting rid of. Or making your favorite tea before writing the blog that you’re late delivering (!) are all smaller examples of ritual. It may sound woo-woo, but I promise if you try it you’ll see how it delivers you from paralysis (and clutter!)